Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
   diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, and fear of
   being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution. I also suffer from
   the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to
   me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor
   6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able
   to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents
   sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill
   Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" email,
   $1000? How stupid are we? "Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this
   page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the
   magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit.

   Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there
   who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
   Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
   sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Peter
   in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
   and which, if it makes it to the year 2000, will be in the Guinness Book of World Records
   for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them.

   If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
   mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest
   friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
   receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.
   I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what
   you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances
   are, it's your own unpopularity.

   The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
   leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
   If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel
   guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a
   dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per
   letter he'll receive if you forward this email, lest he end up like
   Miranda. Right?

   Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning
   your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
 

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