How to score with a woman
How to score with a woman
Men: would you like to know where you stand
in the rough-and-tumble,
give-and-take world of relationships? Here's your
scorecard from the
Men's Journal of Health.
In the world of romance, one single rule
applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes & you get points.
Do something she dislikes &
points are subtracted. You don't get any
points for doing something she
expects -- sorry, that's how the game is
played.
Simple Duties
You make sure there's plenty of gas in the
car
+ 1
You make sure there are barely enough fumes in the car to
make it to
the nearest gas
station
- 1
You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the
curb
+ 1
You take out the recyclables at 4:30 am, just as the truck pulls
away
- 1
You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a
dish
+ 1
You leave them under the
bed
- 5
You go
shopping
+ 5
But return with
beer
- 5
You put the toilet seat
down
0
You leave the toilet seat
up
- 1
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's
empty
0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex - 1
When the Kleenex runs
out, you shuffle slowly to the next
bathroom
- 2
You make the
bed
+ 1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows 0
You
throw the bedspread over rumpled
sheets
- 1
You check out a suspicious noise at
night
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's
nothing
0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's
something
+ 5
You pummel it with a six
iron
+10
It's her
father
-10
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire
party
0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking
buddy
- 2
Named
Tiffany
- 4
Tiffany has
implants
- 6
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her
lovingly
+ 1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain"
and pat her on the
rump
- 5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you
if you
think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near
as attractive
as
you"
+ 1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think
she's
attractive, you say, "Yeah, but don't worry, she's a lousy
lay" - 6
That woman is her
sister
-90
You have one drink, and that's
it
0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a
poodle - 2
You have a lot of drinks,
vaguely remember being fingerprinted -18
Things Of A Disgusting Nature
You unclog a stopped-up
toilet
+ 6
You clean up cat, dog or human
vomit
+ 7
You get rid of a dead
rodent
+ 8
You remove the collie from the
thresher
+12
You take her mother to see
Cats
+16
Saturday Afternoon
You go to the mall
together
+ 3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the
car
+ 4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a
sports
bar
- 2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like
it + 3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap
on a sectional 0
You spend the day at a wholesale
club, buying in
bulk
+ 3
Most of it chips and
beer
- 6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the
den +15
Or refinishing the
floors
+16
Or rewiring the
basement
+17
Or adding a second
floor
+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom
wastebasket - 6
And you're tickled pink
about
it
-15
You visit her
parents
+ 1
You visit her parents and actually make
conversation
+ 3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the
television - 3
And the
television is
off
- 6
You spend the afternoon watching football in your
underwear - 6
And you didn't even
go to
college
-10
And it's not your
underwear
-15
Her Birthday
You take her out to
dinner
0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
bar
+ 1
Okay, it is a sports
bar
- 2
And it's all-you-can-eat
night
- 3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is
painted the colors of your favorite
team
-10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar
player + 3
You go to a pricey
restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and
sing
+ 4
And you
stink
+ 2
And you're not half
bad
+ 5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out
to
much
applause
- 2
You give her a
gift
0
You give her a gift, and it's a small
appliance
-10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small
appliance
+ 1
You give her a gift, and it isn't
chocolate
+ 2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for
months +30
You
wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that
day -10
With her credit
card
-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too
big
-40
Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday
completely
-10
You forget your
anniversary
-20
You forget to pick her up at the bus
station
-25
Which is in Newark, New
Jersey
-35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg
cast
-50
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a
pal
- 5
And the pal is happily
married
- 4
Or frighteningly
single
- 7
And he drives a Trans
Am
-10
You have a few
beers
- 9
You get home at 3
am
-20
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap
cigars -30
And not wearing any
pants
-40
Is that a
tattoo???
-200
A Night At Home
You watch TV
together
0
You rent a
movie
+ 1
You rent a movie and it's SENSE &
SENSIBILITY
+ 3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake
throughout
+ 5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall
asleep
- 1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and
drool -
2
A Night Out
You take her to a
movie
+ 2
You take her to a movie she
likes
+ 4
You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Susan
Sarandon) + 6
You take her to a movie you
like
- 2
It's called DeathCop
3
- 7
Which features cyborgs having
sex
- 9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and
sheepdogs
-15
Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's
expected
0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just
because
+ 5
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked
yourself +10
And
she contracts Lyme
disease
-25
Your Physique
You develop a noticeable
potbelly
-15
You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it
+10
You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian
shirts
- 5