Roligt om Windows 95

 
Excuses from Microsoft on Windows 95:

10. We wanted to show IBM what we felt about OS/2.
9. It is after all called Windows 95 -- 95% completed and tested.
8. That's nothing, wait until Windows NT 4.0 comes out.
7. It was the perfect complement for all those multimedia gadgets that don't work properly under Windows 3.1.
6. We wanted to make a product that complemented the first Pentium chips. (Remember the floating point divide error incident.)
5. Let's see you try to rush a complicated product to the market in less than a year.
4. It must be your hardware, our products don't contain bugs. (Yeah right -- a typical Technical Support response)
3. It's not our fault. People don't read the directions. (another Technical Support response)
2. We'd like to see Apple Computer and IBM copy our features. (and then Bill Gates will sue them if they do.)
And the number one excuse provided by Microsoft:
1. We're Microsoft and we don't care.

 
Is Windows Really a Virus?
No, Windows isn't a Virus. Here's What Viruses Do:
1. They replicate quickly -- okay, Windows does that.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, Windows does that.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, Windows does that, too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So,
Windows is *not* a virus. It's a BUG!

 
Windows 95 Errors
WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More RAM needed. More! More! More!
WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside
WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside
WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?
WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.
WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadeqaute.
WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.
WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a DOS-box. The virus however, re quires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded.
WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available

 
New Microsoft Keyboard
1. GPF key--This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.
2. $$ key--When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention.
3. ZD key--This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited.
4. MS key--This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.
5. FUD key--Self explanatory.
6. Chicago key--Generates do-nothing loops for months at a time.
7. IBM key--Searches your hard disk for operating systems or applications by vendors o ther than Microsoft and deletes them.

 
Windows 95 Logos:
Double your drive space: delete Windows!

 
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Hey, neither did I!

 
Windows Multitasking: screwing up several things at once

 
Windows: just another pain in the glass

 
Windows NT: Windows Nice Try

 
Windows: Turn your Pentium into an XT...

 
Windows: The Gates of Hell

 
Windows: The colourful clown suit for DOS

 
Windows: so intuitive you only need 3Mb of help files

 
Windows: XT emulator for an AT

 
Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A and press any key to empty

 
Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done

 
Windows 95: New look, same multicrashing

 
Windows isn't a virus, viruses actually do something

 
OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,N]"

 
Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail

 
Windows: From the people who brought you EDLIN

 
Time on your hands? Get Windows!

 
Microsoft Windows: a virus with mouse support

 
Sorry, this virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x

 
A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle

 
Are you using Windows or is that just an XT?

 
Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows

 
Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore ...

 
Bugs come in through open Windows

 
DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1: a turtle and its shell

 
DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1

 
Data to Picard: "No Captain, I do not run Windows."

 
Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance

 
Error 005: Windows loading. Come back tomorrow

 
Have you crashed your Windows today?

 
If Windows is user friendly, why do you need a 678 page manual?

 
Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile

 
New from McAfee - WinScan: removes all Windows programs

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